(no subject)
Jun. 17th, 2003 09:03 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
queenrileyJust letting everyone know I'm back in Texas now. I say back and not home because... well... if I didn't have Jeff waiting for me here, I probably wouldn't have come back. Home is in Virginia, and home will never be here. But I'm back anyway.
Catherine, I'm sorry I missed your birthday, so happy very belated birthday. I know you had a good time from reading your journal, and I'm glad. You deserve the best birthdays ever.
As for the past two weeks, it's been hard, as I helped keep my father from killing my grandmother (who made a remarkable recovery once we got there, and spent the rest of the time yelling at my mother), trying to keep my mother from getting stuck in the middle, and trying to keep my sister from having a nervous breakdown... all this while not having emotional issues myself because if I got upset than Alex would have gotten upset and she needed me too.
My grandmother has severe dementia. She yelled at my mother for things out of my mother's control, or for things my mother never said nor did. She called me by my mother's name pretty much every time I visited, or she just didn't know who I was when I was there. My sister was, in my grandmother's mind, an old friend of the family who is my grandmother's age, roughly. She spent most of the time calling Alex "Tine" which was my nickname when I was 2, as I couldn't say the Chris part of my name. It's still used amongst family ONLY (hear that, Jeremy, FAMILY ONLY). Her health is very poor. She has trouble breathing. She can't sit up or stand up on her own. Her legs and ankles are swollen to enourmous sizes. Her arms are covered in bruises that age brings, bruises that are now permanent residents on her skin. She does not even have the strength to open her fingers, so on both hands her fingers are fused together, or at least they appear that way. We are all hoping she dies soon, horrible as that sounds. This is not my grandmother. It's some other woman stuck in a body that looks like my grandmother. I just want it all to be over.
To all who offered support to me over the past two weeks, via email and phone calls, through random comments here and there, thank you very much. I don't think I could have pulled through all this stress without your help. Especially you, Ulfar dear, who offered probably the most support outside of my actual family.
To the select few of my close friends (those I have trusted explicitely with intimate details of my life), and I won't name names as that would be rude but you know who you are (I hope), who left one, two tops short lj comments, or said nothing at all... well... thanks for nothing, thanks to the locals who never even called my husband to find out how I was doing. Friends I have barely spoken to in two years came by to make sure Jeff was okay, to see if he needed anything, to get a number where they could reach me and find out how I was. But some people didn't bother, and I'm angry right now. I'll get over it eventually, but it hurt to hear from some and not others, others that I counted as my closest friends, those who would always be there when I needed them. Perhaps I'm overreacting, but I really needed people backing me up and now I found out who would and who wouldn't. Lovely slap in the face.
But most of you were supurb. Most of you were right there with me. You shared your own stories, and it helped. You offered a shoulder to cry on should I need it, and just the offer alone made me feel better. You all let me know that, should I need you for any reason, you were there. And for that I am endlessly in your debt. Somehow I will repay you in kind, though I hope it's never for the same reason I needed you. I'm lucky to have such friends as you.
Catherine, I'm sorry I missed your birthday, so happy very belated birthday. I know you had a good time from reading your journal, and I'm glad. You deserve the best birthdays ever.
As for the past two weeks, it's been hard, as I helped keep my father from killing my grandmother (who made a remarkable recovery once we got there, and spent the rest of the time yelling at my mother), trying to keep my mother from getting stuck in the middle, and trying to keep my sister from having a nervous breakdown... all this while not having emotional issues myself because if I got upset than Alex would have gotten upset and she needed me too.
My grandmother has severe dementia. She yelled at my mother for things out of my mother's control, or for things my mother never said nor did. She called me by my mother's name pretty much every time I visited, or she just didn't know who I was when I was there. My sister was, in my grandmother's mind, an old friend of the family who is my grandmother's age, roughly. She spent most of the time calling Alex "Tine" which was my nickname when I was 2, as I couldn't say the Chris part of my name. It's still used amongst family ONLY (hear that, Jeremy, FAMILY ONLY). Her health is very poor. She has trouble breathing. She can't sit up or stand up on her own. Her legs and ankles are swollen to enourmous sizes. Her arms are covered in bruises that age brings, bruises that are now permanent residents on her skin. She does not even have the strength to open her fingers, so on both hands her fingers are fused together, or at least they appear that way. We are all hoping she dies soon, horrible as that sounds. This is not my grandmother. It's some other woman stuck in a body that looks like my grandmother. I just want it all to be over.
To all who offered support to me over the past two weeks, via email and phone calls, through random comments here and there, thank you very much. I don't think I could have pulled through all this stress without your help. Especially you, Ulfar dear, who offered probably the most support outside of my actual family.
To the select few of my close friends (those I have trusted explicitely with intimate details of my life), and I won't name names as that would be rude but you know who you are (I hope), who left one, two tops short lj comments, or said nothing at all... well... thanks for nothing, thanks to the locals who never even called my husband to find out how I was doing. Friends I have barely spoken to in two years came by to make sure Jeff was okay, to see if he needed anything, to get a number where they could reach me and find out how I was. But some people didn't bother, and I'm angry right now. I'll get over it eventually, but it hurt to hear from some and not others, others that I counted as my closest friends, those who would always be there when I needed them. Perhaps I'm overreacting, but I really needed people backing me up and now I found out who would and who wouldn't. Lovely slap in the face.
But most of you were supurb. Most of you were right there with me. You shared your own stories, and it helped. You offered a shoulder to cry on should I need it, and just the offer alone made me feel better. You all let me know that, should I need you for any reason, you were there. And for that I am endlessly in your debt. Somehow I will repay you in kind, though I hope it's never for the same reason I needed you. I'm lucky to have such friends as you.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2003-06-17 08:19 am (UTC)Catherine