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Jan. 21st, 2003 09:03 am*sigh* It's going to be one of "those weeks" I can tell already. We got our cable hooked up yesterday and we now have a cable modem, so that means super fast internet. Unfortunately, it took a good two or three hours because the first modem had major ISSUES and didn't want to work. I didn't get to go do laundry until late, which meant I had to do it at the laundrymat here, which isn't bad, just very expensive. The laundrymat (being my parent's house) I usually go to is free but open only until 7ish, plus the dryer takes forever to dry clothes.
You might remember me mentioning that we blew a tire on the way to the mini-summit on Saturday. Well, the rim was bent too. I took the car into the Saturn dealership yesterday and found out that I cracked an axle and it was leaking, plus I had thrown the stupid car out of alignment (either that or the alignment just didn't get done when I last took it in for service a month ago). I had Alex with me. We spent almost 4 hours at the dealership waiting for them to fix my car. It was past lunchtime and Alex's naptime when we finally were able to leave at 1. She hadn't eaten since breakfast at 8, and I hadn't eaten at all. She was screaming, I was frustrated and hungry, and the stupid car cost $459 to fix. That's almost our entire rent for our apartment. Stupid invisible objects lying in the middle of Hwy 59...
Today I was woken up at 5:30 am with a call from the father of the little girl I used to babysit. She had gone back to my grandmother-in-law when this semester started. Unfortunately, my grandmother-in-law fell and broke her hip or some ribs, or possibly both. So I couldn't take the little girl today, but I get her back tomorrow. I'm not prepared for it. I don't have the snacks or food she likes nor do I have the money allotted to go buy it. Since we moved farther away from her school, it now means nearly a half-hour drive every morning to get her there, and then two hours later, another half-hour drive to get her back. The apartment isn't nearly ready enough for her, but I'll get as much done today as I can and Jeff will have to work on it tonight instead of playing EverQuest, whether he likes it or not. The money will be a bit of an added relief, but I'm not sure I'm ready to take this kid back again. We'll just have to see how it goes.
misspince is having a hard time of things right now. My heart aches for her. I want to help her but I can't. I have an inkling of an idea of what she's going through, but I don't and can't know the half of her pain. She's my friend and I'd really like to make it better for her, but I know that nothing I say or do will help or make it all go away. If either of us could afford it, I'd whisk her away here and make her forget all about it, but we can't afford it and she's going to Prague anyway. I only hope Prague will help her get past this. I feel so helpless and I hate seeing my friends in pain and not being able to do a damn thing about it.
All this and then I wake up and find the dishes still in the sink, again. I'm getting tired of this. It's not about this dishes. It's about his attitude. "Well, if I just leave it sitting long enough, I know you'll do it for me, so why bother?" So then I don't do it and don't do it and it sits for days and days... like with the litterbox. Dang, the cats had started going on the carpet beside it because it hadn't been changed. He finally did it himself, and he'll be the first to tell you that he does the dishes all the time, but more often than not I give in and do them and tell him how upset it made me that he didn't hold up his end. At least we did get one thing sorted out. I made him realize what it felt like when he used the line "Who pays all your bills?" or the variation of "Yeah, well it's too bad you have someone willing to go out and work and pay all your bills for you. You should be happy to do that for me." He doesn't say that anymore. I don't think he realized how bad it made me feel until I pointed out that for quite awhile, I was the only reason he had food, laundry, cigarettes (a nasty habit which he keeps saying he'll quit), and soda because my $70 a week payed for it all when he didn't have a job and had exhausted our savings. Right now I'm just really aggrivated with him. I'm not entirely sure what the underlying cause is, whether it's time to myself or just time to write (which I don't get becuase he's always playing EverQuest). Or maybe I just want some us time. Time for him and me, or the three of us as a family. Becuase I'm not getting that either. Usually he gets up at 11, I jump in the shower, he turns on the tv for Alex, and sits down to play EverQuest. He throws on some pants and a shirt and waits for his ride. I get out of the shower, feed Alex lunch, change her diaper, put her down for a nap, and then come in to write. But I can't. Because Jeff's ride is late again and he's still playing EverQuest. So I do some chores, dishes or picking up or cleaning the bathroom or whatever needs to be done. His ride shows up, he exits EverQuest, and leaves for work. I sit down to do some things on the computer and Alex wakes up. We have a snack, go to the park and play for awhile, come home and have a bath and then it's time for me to start dinner. I pack the leftovers in tuperware for Jeff to take for lunch the following day. He usually eats those when he gets home and plays EverQuest until 3am, when he goes to bed until 11 the following morning. If I stay up for him, I get ignored for EverQuest. I'm just very very frustrated, and as soon as I figure out what I'm lacking to cause this frustration, I'll let him know and hopefully find a way to fix it. Blah, sorry to have ranted all that on you.
But not the most pleasant of weeks ahead of me.
You might remember me mentioning that we blew a tire on the way to the mini-summit on Saturday. Well, the rim was bent too. I took the car into the Saturn dealership yesterday and found out that I cracked an axle and it was leaking, plus I had thrown the stupid car out of alignment (either that or the alignment just didn't get done when I last took it in for service a month ago). I had Alex with me. We spent almost 4 hours at the dealership waiting for them to fix my car. It was past lunchtime and Alex's naptime when we finally were able to leave at 1. She hadn't eaten since breakfast at 8, and I hadn't eaten at all. She was screaming, I was frustrated and hungry, and the stupid car cost $459 to fix. That's almost our entire rent for our apartment. Stupid invisible objects lying in the middle of Hwy 59...
Today I was woken up at 5:30 am with a call from the father of the little girl I used to babysit. She had gone back to my grandmother-in-law when this semester started. Unfortunately, my grandmother-in-law fell and broke her hip or some ribs, or possibly both. So I couldn't take the little girl today, but I get her back tomorrow. I'm not prepared for it. I don't have the snacks or food she likes nor do I have the money allotted to go buy it. Since we moved farther away from her school, it now means nearly a half-hour drive every morning to get her there, and then two hours later, another half-hour drive to get her back. The apartment isn't nearly ready enough for her, but I'll get as much done today as I can and Jeff will have to work on it tonight instead of playing EverQuest, whether he likes it or not. The money will be a bit of an added relief, but I'm not sure I'm ready to take this kid back again. We'll just have to see how it goes.
misspince is having a hard time of things right now. My heart aches for her. I want to help her but I can't. I have an inkling of an idea of what she's going through, but I don't and can't know the half of her pain. She's my friend and I'd really like to make it better for her, but I know that nothing I say or do will help or make it all go away. If either of us could afford it, I'd whisk her away here and make her forget all about it, but we can't afford it and she's going to Prague anyway. I only hope Prague will help her get past this. I feel so helpless and I hate seeing my friends in pain and not being able to do a damn thing about it.
All this and then I wake up and find the dishes still in the sink, again. I'm getting tired of this. It's not about this dishes. It's about his attitude. "Well, if I just leave it sitting long enough, I know you'll do it for me, so why bother?" So then I don't do it and don't do it and it sits for days and days... like with the litterbox. Dang, the cats had started going on the carpet beside it because it hadn't been changed. He finally did it himself, and he'll be the first to tell you that he does the dishes all the time, but more often than not I give in and do them and tell him how upset it made me that he didn't hold up his end. At least we did get one thing sorted out. I made him realize what it felt like when he used the line "Who pays all your bills?" or the variation of "Yeah, well it's too bad you have someone willing to go out and work and pay all your bills for you. You should be happy to do that for me." He doesn't say that anymore. I don't think he realized how bad it made me feel until I pointed out that for quite awhile, I was the only reason he had food, laundry, cigarettes (a nasty habit which he keeps saying he'll quit), and soda because my $70 a week payed for it all when he didn't have a job and had exhausted our savings. Right now I'm just really aggrivated with him. I'm not entirely sure what the underlying cause is, whether it's time to myself or just time to write (which I don't get becuase he's always playing EverQuest). Or maybe I just want some us time. Time for him and me, or the three of us as a family. Becuase I'm not getting that either. Usually he gets up at 11, I jump in the shower, he turns on the tv for Alex, and sits down to play EverQuest. He throws on some pants and a shirt and waits for his ride. I get out of the shower, feed Alex lunch, change her diaper, put her down for a nap, and then come in to write. But I can't. Because Jeff's ride is late again and he's still playing EverQuest. So I do some chores, dishes or picking up or cleaning the bathroom or whatever needs to be done. His ride shows up, he exits EverQuest, and leaves for work. I sit down to do some things on the computer and Alex wakes up. We have a snack, go to the park and play for awhile, come home and have a bath and then it's time for me to start dinner. I pack the leftovers in tuperware for Jeff to take for lunch the following day. He usually eats those when he gets home and plays EverQuest until 3am, when he goes to bed until 11 the following morning. If I stay up for him, I get ignored for EverQuest. I'm just very very frustrated, and as soon as I figure out what I'm lacking to cause this frustration, I'll let him know and hopefully find a way to fix it. Blah, sorry to have ranted all that on you.
But not the most pleasant of weeks ahead of me.
