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Jan. 15th, 2006 08:56 pmHaven't updated since that cryptic weird post... sorry.
I felt much better in the morning. Nights are hard on me. During the day I have the kids to keep me occupied, but Sam sleeps through the night now... from about 8pm to 7am with one feeding in there usually around 3 or 4am. So after 8 it's me and I get lonely. It's at night that I really miss Jeff, that I question having left before he could join us, that I let my thoughts get the better of me. I still sit here at 9pm and think "He'll be home in half an hour, I better get some dinner made." before I realize he won't be home in half an hour and I already made and ate dinner hours ago. I'm okay now though, thanks for the thoughts.
It also doesn't help that I look at my son and see Jeff staring back at me. Sam looks a fair bit like I did as a baby, but I see so much of his dad in him... especially in the eyes. Sam's are more blue than Jeff's, but he's there.
Ever look at the sky as it's about to storm? When it goes from that brilliant blue to the stormy grey with the clouds rolling in, just before it lets loose a nice steady rain? That's the colour of Sam's eyes. That's the colour it looks like they'll stay too.
I have a new obsession... Stargate: Atlantis. I love it. I more than love it. I worship it. I'm also incredibly upset that I don't live elsewhere because the rest of the world (or at least Canada and the UK) is a whole 4 or 5 episodes ahead of the US. And Jeff has those episodes on his computer. I do not and have no access to Jeff's computer and therefor must watch in tandem with the US. So grrrr for the US being behind the rest of the world. Also wishing I had $45 to spare because then I could get season 1 on DVD even though I already have it on my computer... but the DVD has actor commentary! And I can watch it somewhere that isn't on the computer! And yes, I'm special, thanks for noticing.
I need chocolate. Really good chocolate. British chocolate. Cadbury's preferably. No little British shops around here to supply me. Damn.
I felt much better in the morning. Nights are hard on me. During the day I have the kids to keep me occupied, but Sam sleeps through the night now... from about 8pm to 7am with one feeding in there usually around 3 or 4am. So after 8 it's me and I get lonely. It's at night that I really miss Jeff, that I question having left before he could join us, that I let my thoughts get the better of me. I still sit here at 9pm and think "He'll be home in half an hour, I better get some dinner made." before I realize he won't be home in half an hour and I already made and ate dinner hours ago. I'm okay now though, thanks for the thoughts.
It also doesn't help that I look at my son and see Jeff staring back at me. Sam looks a fair bit like I did as a baby, but I see so much of his dad in him... especially in the eyes. Sam's are more blue than Jeff's, but he's there.
Ever look at the sky as it's about to storm? When it goes from that brilliant blue to the stormy grey with the clouds rolling in, just before it lets loose a nice steady rain? That's the colour of Sam's eyes. That's the colour it looks like they'll stay too.
I have a new obsession... Stargate: Atlantis. I love it. I more than love it. I worship it. I'm also incredibly upset that I don't live elsewhere because the rest of the world (or at least Canada and the UK) is a whole 4 or 5 episodes ahead of the US. And Jeff has those episodes on his computer. I do not and have no access to Jeff's computer and therefor must watch in tandem with the US. So grrrr for the US being behind the rest of the world. Also wishing I had $45 to spare because then I could get season 1 on DVD even though I already have it on my computer... but the DVD has actor commentary! And I can watch it somewhere that isn't on the computer! And yes, I'm special, thanks for noticing.
I need chocolate. Really good chocolate. British chocolate. Cadbury's preferably. No little British shops around here to supply me. Damn.