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Feb. 25th, 2003 05:26 pmRealized I hadn't updated in awhile. Feel I really ought to.
I've been very depressed and unhappy lately, and I really can't figure out why. Is it because my uterus hates me? Maybe. Is it because my ovarian cysts came and kicked my Rass two weeks ago? Maybe. Is it because I'm due and I always get really really really psychotic when I'm due for my monthly visitor? Probably.
( more information than I'm sure any of you ever wanted. )
I don't know why exactly I told all of you this, I just felt like updating and this is what popped in my head to talk about.
About the only interesting thing to happen is Jeff and I got a bed on Saturday. A real bed. We aren't sleeping on the floor anymore, which is nice. It's a king size bed, which I don't like because I feel incredibly small in it, but it's what Jeff wanted. And I understand why he wanted it because he's really too big to fit comfortably on even a queen, but still... now it means we sleep on opposite ends the bed, so even when he's in it, I don't feel like I'm sleeping in a bed with somebody. I feel lonely, at least until 6 or 6:30 when Alex climbs out of her bed and wakes me up. I drag her in our bed with me and she lays there for about half an hour before she wants either of us to get up. That's nice. Because she lays curled up right beside me and sometimes she puts her little hands on my cheeks and says, in a very happy baby sigh, "Mumum". That feels good. It makes my heart happy.
Also, changed my lj icon. See it? That right up there? Yeah. I used to be able to do that. I miss doing that. It was calming. It was relaxing. It cleared my mind. For an hour a week I was perfectly happy. And all because I was on the back of a horse and we were sailing through the air over these massive jumps. It's as close as I've ever come to flying, showjumping is. Sometimes I feel so stiffled I want to go spend the rather large amount of money that we don't have on the lessons again, just so I can be happy for that one hour, just so I can do something right, just so I can fly. It's the best high I've ever had.
I've been very depressed and unhappy lately, and I really can't figure out why. Is it because my uterus hates me? Maybe. Is it because my ovarian cysts came and kicked my Rass two weeks ago? Maybe. Is it because I'm due and I always get really really really psychotic when I'm due for my monthly visitor? Probably.
( more information than I'm sure any of you ever wanted. )
I don't know why exactly I told all of you this, I just felt like updating and this is what popped in my head to talk about.
About the only interesting thing to happen is Jeff and I got a bed on Saturday. A real bed. We aren't sleeping on the floor anymore, which is nice. It's a king size bed, which I don't like because I feel incredibly small in it, but it's what Jeff wanted. And I understand why he wanted it because he's really too big to fit comfortably on even a queen, but still... now it means we sleep on opposite ends the bed, so even when he's in it, I don't feel like I'm sleeping in a bed with somebody. I feel lonely, at least until 6 or 6:30 when Alex climbs out of her bed and wakes me up. I drag her in our bed with me and she lays there for about half an hour before she wants either of us to get up. That's nice. Because she lays curled up right beside me and sometimes she puts her little hands on my cheeks and says, in a very happy baby sigh, "Mumum". That feels good. It makes my heart happy.
Also, changed my lj icon. See it? That right up there? Yeah. I used to be able to do that. I miss doing that. It was calming. It was relaxing. It cleared my mind. For an hour a week I was perfectly happy. And all because I was on the back of a horse and we were sailing through the air over these massive jumps. It's as close as I've ever come to flying, showjumping is. Sometimes I feel so stiffled I want to go spend the rather large amount of money that we don't have on the lessons again, just so I can be happy for that one hour, just so I can do something right, just so I can fly. It's the best high I've ever had.
