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Sep. 28th, 2002 03:16 pmI had just typed a huge important entry. And stupid AOL booted me offline. I'm not going to retype it. If you want to know, you can email me.
Is it bad when you don't feel much anymore? I either feel nothing or I feel something to the extreme and can't control my reactions. Either I'm empty and dead inside or I'm so angry I feel like fire has come over me and I don't know what I'm doing until after I've done it or broken something and am on the floor crying... and then once the anger fades, I'm back to nothingness and emptyness. The only true real feeling I have is my love for Alex. That's there, always, but it's the only emotion I'm left clinging to, which cannot be healthy, for her or for me.
Every morning I tell myself it will be better because it just can't get any worse. Because I just can't imagine how my life could get any worse. And then by the end of the day, my life has gotten worse. I hate my life.
Is it bad when you don't feel much anymore? I either feel nothing or I feel something to the extreme and can't control my reactions. Either I'm empty and dead inside or I'm so angry I feel like fire has come over me and I don't know what I'm doing until after I've done it or broken something and am on the floor crying... and then once the anger fades, I'm back to nothingness and emptyness. The only true real feeling I have is my love for Alex. That's there, always, but it's the only emotion I'm left clinging to, which cannot be healthy, for her or for me.
Every morning I tell myself it will be better because it just can't get any worse. Because I just can't imagine how my life could get any worse. And then by the end of the day, my life has gotten worse. I hate my life.
