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I just need to rant, so those of you not wanting to read an angry tirade, please back out of this window now. Thank you.
Christmas. The season of giving. A time to be with family and friends. A time of reflection and peace. Is this not what Christmas is supposed to be? Is it not supposed to be a time where your family gathers around you and you have a fun, restful, and happy day together? Even if it's just that one day a year? Isn't it? Because that's what I thought it was supposed to be. That's what it was when I was growing up... but then it helped that the relatives on my mom's side factored in at a whopping two, while my father's relatives numbered in the 40's but we never saw them nor did we do much more than send Christmas cards to some. So Christmas was quiet and peaceful with my grandmother and great-aunt gathering at my parent's house on Christmas morning, sometimes Christmas Eve for an overnight visit. We opened presents round-robin with everybody taking a turn until all were opened and admired. Daddy and Nanny watched the football games while my mother cooked in the kitchen and my sister and I enjoyed our new toys/books/clothes/etc. My great-aunt would often sit in the kitchen and talk with my mother, sometimes helping out if needed. We'd eat dinner around 5ish and then go to bed. It was nice. It was fun. It would snow sometimes. It was peaceful. It's not so anymore. I'm begining to really despise Christmas. Tonight my entire carefully constructed plan for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, a plan that was balancing on the edge of a knife in the first place, came toppling down around me.
The original plan: On Christmas Eve morning, prepare our designated portion of the meal for my grandmother-in-law's anual Christmas Eve gathering. Alex naps about 11, is up about noon. Plop her in the bath and put her in her brand new Christmas dress. Drive the 15 minute drive to get Jeff (normally 15, probably 30 because of Christmas Eve traffic), head over to my grandmother-in-law's, be there by 2 (the original start time). Enjoy a lovely early dinner, exchange presents, have everyone (three aunt's, two uncle's, one partner, and at least 4 cousin's) gush over how beautiful Alex is and how she's growing so fast. Leave about 5 and take Jeff back to his apartment. Head back to my parent's house for Christmas dinner here (my sister is in town, she leaves on Christmas Day before dinner, so we are having it on Christmas Eve this year) around 6. Put Alex to bed at 7. Around 7:30, leave to pick up Jeff and go to his parent's house for his Dad's birthday celebration. Get Jeff home about 9:30 and I'm in bed by 11. Christmas Day get up about 5 or 6, open presents with the family. 11ish get Alex dressed up again, head over to the apartment for our meager Christmas with just the three of us after saying goodbye to my sister. 1ish head over to Jeff's parents for Christmas dinner and presents. Drop Jeff off at the apartment around 5ish. Get Alex home for some wind-down time and bed by 7. That was the plan.
What happened today: After spending all week trying to get ahold of my grandmother-in-law to find out when to show up and what to bring, Jeff finally catches her at 9 tonight. She says bring "whatever appetizer you feel like" and show up "6ish" on Christmas Eve. Well, it makes sense since her youngest son is working Christmas Eve. Jeff's father "will definately be home after 6 for his birthday celebration so we need to stop by then, because he may be out golfing in the afternoon, so we shouldn't bother coming by unless it's just to visit and we plan on coming back after 6." Oh, and we also "Really need to bring the baby. [Jeff's] father misses her so much, and it's been a whole week and a half since he's seen her. We really should bring her by more often." I can't miss on my parent's Christmas dinner, which cannot be changed because of my sister's flight schedule on Christmas and plans with her friends early on Christmas Eve. Not to mention I kinda skipped out on Thanksgiving dinner (Alex and I were here, but we didn't eat much) because we had two other dinners to go to. So I most certainly can't miss Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve. So now the plan for Christmas Eve has to be eat dinner at my parent's around 6, get Alex to bed. Rush to get Jeff from the apartment and over to my grandmother-in-law's. Hopefully we can be there by 8 WITHOUT THE BABY (the 8th deadly sin in that family), eat a quick meal, and rush off to Jeff's parent's house by 9:30 at the latest to say Happy Birthday. If I'm lucky I can get Jeff home by 11 and I might make it to bed by midnight. Christmas Day now has become presents and breakfast at my parent's in the morning (a definate because my sister leaves at 11am). A rushed present exchange with Jeff at the apartment around 11, hopefully Alex sleeps in the car because we can't get her here for her normal naptime and she won't sleep anywhere but her crib. Be at Jeff's parents by 1 at the latest for dinner (which is really lunch... I don't know why they always eat so early) and presents and a guilt trip about how we should have been there much earlier... after all, my parent's got Christmas morning last year and it's "their" turn this year (despite the fact that last year they un-invited us from Christmas because Jeff's mother didn't believe we were sincere in trying to patch up the never-ending argument). Not to mention hearing about how our presents were nice, but wasn't it ever so thoughtful of Jeff's sister to get them multiple presents each and such a pity that we could only afford one for each sibling and one joint for his parents. Poor Alex is going to be run ragged, she'll be tired, she'll be cranky, and she'll get sick. She got sick last year and we didn't even run around as much as we have to this year. I don't think I'll get a chance to stop moving until the 26th. I'm begining to hate Christmas.
I've come to a decision. Next year I'm not doing this. I'll plan a nice dinner on Christmas Day for a specific time and invite everyone. If they can make it, great. If not, too bad. We aren't going anywhere next Christmas. I'm not running Alex to 4 different houses and trying to be fair to everybody. It's not fair to me, it's not fair to her. If they can't make it to my dinner, then we won't get to see them for Christmas and they'll just have to deal with it. Next year will be better. I won't give in. I won't go into debt trying to buy for everyone. I won't let myself feel guilty because what I got for everyone "didn't cost enough" or "wasn't big enough" or "not as nice as [insert name here]'s present" or "didn't spend enough time".
That's one reason I like Hanukkah so much, even though it's not a big holiday for Jews. It's quiet. It's 8 nights long. It's fun. No need to go all out cooking a big dinner and running to 4 different houses for family parties all on the same day. There is no pressure to get the right gift since presents really aren't a part of Hanukkah and are only given because kids started resenting not being Christian and celebrating Christmas. It's a party! There are fun games to play, beautiful melodic prayers to say, and good food to eat that doesn't require months of planning and hard work to cook and enjoy. It's great.
I apologize for the rant, but I really really needed to get it all out. It just makes me so angry that everyone has lost the true meaning of Christmas. I couldn't sleep I'm so mad right now. I do feel a bit better though. Thanks for listening.
Christmas. The season of giving. A time to be with family and friends. A time of reflection and peace. Is this not what Christmas is supposed to be? Is it not supposed to be a time where your family gathers around you and you have a fun, restful, and happy day together? Even if it's just that one day a year? Isn't it? Because that's what I thought it was supposed to be. That's what it was when I was growing up... but then it helped that the relatives on my mom's side factored in at a whopping two, while my father's relatives numbered in the 40's but we never saw them nor did we do much more than send Christmas cards to some. So Christmas was quiet and peaceful with my grandmother and great-aunt gathering at my parent's house on Christmas morning, sometimes Christmas Eve for an overnight visit. We opened presents round-robin with everybody taking a turn until all were opened and admired. Daddy and Nanny watched the football games while my mother cooked in the kitchen and my sister and I enjoyed our new toys/books/clothes/etc. My great-aunt would often sit in the kitchen and talk with my mother, sometimes helping out if needed. We'd eat dinner around 5ish and then go to bed. It was nice. It was fun. It would snow sometimes. It was peaceful. It's not so anymore. I'm begining to really despise Christmas. Tonight my entire carefully constructed plan for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, a plan that was balancing on the edge of a knife in the first place, came toppling down around me.
The original plan: On Christmas Eve morning, prepare our designated portion of the meal for my grandmother-in-law's anual Christmas Eve gathering. Alex naps about 11, is up about noon. Plop her in the bath and put her in her brand new Christmas dress. Drive the 15 minute drive to get Jeff (normally 15, probably 30 because of Christmas Eve traffic), head over to my grandmother-in-law's, be there by 2 (the original start time). Enjoy a lovely early dinner, exchange presents, have everyone (three aunt's, two uncle's, one partner, and at least 4 cousin's) gush over how beautiful Alex is and how she's growing so fast. Leave about 5 and take Jeff back to his apartment. Head back to my parent's house for Christmas dinner here (my sister is in town, she leaves on Christmas Day before dinner, so we are having it on Christmas Eve this year) around 6. Put Alex to bed at 7. Around 7:30, leave to pick up Jeff and go to his parent's house for his Dad's birthday celebration. Get Jeff home about 9:30 and I'm in bed by 11. Christmas Day get up about 5 or 6, open presents with the family. 11ish get Alex dressed up again, head over to the apartment for our meager Christmas with just the three of us after saying goodbye to my sister. 1ish head over to Jeff's parents for Christmas dinner and presents. Drop Jeff off at the apartment around 5ish. Get Alex home for some wind-down time and bed by 7. That was the plan.
What happened today: After spending all week trying to get ahold of my grandmother-in-law to find out when to show up and what to bring, Jeff finally catches her at 9 tonight. She says bring "whatever appetizer you feel like" and show up "6ish" on Christmas Eve. Well, it makes sense since her youngest son is working Christmas Eve. Jeff's father "will definately be home after 6 for his birthday celebration so we need to stop by then, because he may be out golfing in the afternoon, so we shouldn't bother coming by unless it's just to visit and we plan on coming back after 6." Oh, and we also "Really need to bring the baby. [Jeff's] father misses her so much, and it's been a whole week and a half since he's seen her. We really should bring her by more often." I can't miss on my parent's Christmas dinner, which cannot be changed because of my sister's flight schedule on Christmas and plans with her friends early on Christmas Eve. Not to mention I kinda skipped out on Thanksgiving dinner (Alex and I were here, but we didn't eat much) because we had two other dinners to go to. So I most certainly can't miss Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve. So now the plan for Christmas Eve has to be eat dinner at my parent's around 6, get Alex to bed. Rush to get Jeff from the apartment and over to my grandmother-in-law's. Hopefully we can be there by 8 WITHOUT THE BABY (the 8th deadly sin in that family), eat a quick meal, and rush off to Jeff's parent's house by 9:30 at the latest to say Happy Birthday. If I'm lucky I can get Jeff home by 11 and I might make it to bed by midnight. Christmas Day now has become presents and breakfast at my parent's in the morning (a definate because my sister leaves at 11am). A rushed present exchange with Jeff at the apartment around 11, hopefully Alex sleeps in the car because we can't get her here for her normal naptime and she won't sleep anywhere but her crib. Be at Jeff's parents by 1 at the latest for dinner (which is really lunch... I don't know why they always eat so early) and presents and a guilt trip about how we should have been there much earlier... after all, my parent's got Christmas morning last year and it's "their" turn this year (despite the fact that last year they un-invited us from Christmas because Jeff's mother didn't believe we were sincere in trying to patch up the never-ending argument). Not to mention hearing about how our presents were nice, but wasn't it ever so thoughtful of Jeff's sister to get them multiple presents each and such a pity that we could only afford one for each sibling and one joint for his parents. Poor Alex is going to be run ragged, she'll be tired, she'll be cranky, and she'll get sick. She got sick last year and we didn't even run around as much as we have to this year. I don't think I'll get a chance to stop moving until the 26th. I'm begining to hate Christmas.
I've come to a decision. Next year I'm not doing this. I'll plan a nice dinner on Christmas Day for a specific time and invite everyone. If they can make it, great. If not, too bad. We aren't going anywhere next Christmas. I'm not running Alex to 4 different houses and trying to be fair to everybody. It's not fair to me, it's not fair to her. If they can't make it to my dinner, then we won't get to see them for Christmas and they'll just have to deal with it. Next year will be better. I won't give in. I won't go into debt trying to buy for everyone. I won't let myself feel guilty because what I got for everyone "didn't cost enough" or "wasn't big enough" or "not as nice as [insert name here]'s present" or "didn't spend enough time".
That's one reason I like Hanukkah so much, even though it's not a big holiday for Jews. It's quiet. It's 8 nights long. It's fun. No need to go all out cooking a big dinner and running to 4 different houses for family parties all on the same day. There is no pressure to get the right gift since presents really aren't a part of Hanukkah and are only given because kids started resenting not being Christian and celebrating Christmas. It's a party! There are fun games to play, beautiful melodic prayers to say, and good food to eat that doesn't require months of planning and hard work to cook and enjoy. It's great.
I apologize for the rant, but I really really needed to get it all out. It just makes me so angry that everyone has lost the true meaning of Christmas. I couldn't sleep I'm so mad right now. I do feel a bit better though. Thanks for listening.
