Bah to subject lines... bah I say, bah!
Oct. 14th, 2002 09:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
queenrileyRight... the bit I was going to post earlier but couldn't... well, here it is! Learning new things is nice, like learning the cut tag.
I was born to a Methodist mother and an agnostic father... at least, I think he's agnostic. He never was a church-goer and my father and I have communications issues. We talk in depth and for hours about sports, cars, books, pets, the baby, the weather... small stuff. But when it comes to the big things, well, we never were good at that. I loved the church choir as a kid, but the sermons never sat right with me. Luckily, I have a very understanding and open-minded mother (on most things anyway) who nourished my desire to learn about other religions. She did all she could to help me get answers to all my questions. As a child, I remained agnostic because organized religion just didn't seem to fit quite right with me. When I was 12 and we moved to Texas, that's when I became an atheist. My year of hell, the first year here, had such an effect that I renounced God. I became comfortable in that non-belief and it was my security blanket... it was my reason for all that happened. But after awhile, espeically now with Alex, that just doesn't fit anymore. It's like I outgrew my blanket; like my feet are poking out the bottom no matter how hard I try to squish underneath it. So here in the past few months I've been doing some major soul-searching. And somewhere in there I found my belief in God and find comfort in that, like a perfect fitting fleece blanket to share with someone you love. It's warm and it's happy and it's keeping me grounded. So in my findings from that, I've come to do more research on religions, to try and find a spiritual home with others I can connect to, others that have similar beliefs and similar outlooks. I thoroughly enjoy my friends and relatives with drastically different views than I, but it would be nice to have someone, just one someone, with whom I can talk about holidays and God and just about anything and know that they are coming from almost the same place. Y'know what I mean? Well, in my research, I've been turned off of Christianity. It works for some, but it will not work for me. I cannot conform myself to their specific set beliefs... mainly that Jesus is the son of God and the savior of all on Earth (the Messiah, he died for our sins, all that stuff). I also don't like the push of some churches to convert others to their religion, to actively seek out those of different religions and try to get them to come to "their side". I don't like the idea of hell, and Christianity, to me, puts a rather large emphasis on hell. In my eyes, everyone should have a chance at redemption in the afterlife. Some crimes and some wrongdoings will take an eternity to redeem oneself from, but I believe that all are given that chance. And if you cannot redeem yourself, well, then you are stuck in a sort of Purgatory forever... in way, I think that's more punishment than hell. I really really don't feel that God is a vengeful God. I believe God to be loving. In all my searching, I have found one religion that matches with what I believe God to be, that matches my values and beliefs, and that's Judaism. Now, I am still searching things out, still learning. Eventually, I'll go down to the only synagogue in the area and speak to the Rabbi and see what I can learn from him. I don't know yet whether I'll convert or not. But therein lies the major issue that's been bouncing around my head. What to do once I convert. If I do become Jewish, I will raise Alex Jewish. Should she decide to convert to something else when she's older, that's fine. That's her decision and I will support her no matter what. But until she can make that choice for herself, I'll raise her Jewish. Jeff's parents are not Jewish. Nobody in our family is Jewish. Jeff will not convert and I will not ask him to as that would be wrong and not my place. I refuse to force my beliefs upon anyone. Holidays is where the main problem lies, that I can see... that and Jeff's mother, but I might leave that one alone for awhile. Seeing as everyone else celebrates Christmas, that would be the hardest time of year since I'd have to find some way for Hannukah, a truely delightful holiday in itself, measure up to Santa Claus and dozens of gifts at each house from all other family members. It won't hold up and I know for sure she'll get pressure from some people to rebel against my Jewish teachings and accept Christianity. Should she come to that decision on her own, that's great, but I don't want her to do it because family members are pressuring her to do so. I realize, through my research, I'm already teaching her certain Jewish values that I didn't know I was doing... they are important to my life and therefore I'm passing them on to her, but didn't know they were also major themes in Judaica. It will not be easy, to be Jewish and live where we live. There are very few Jewish families in the area, and most people here are Southern Baptists. She and I both will get opposition, of that I know. But that's a part of life. I would rather stay true to my beliefs than to do something just because everybody else is doing it. Really, my main concern is how our families will react to having two Jewish members. Alex will be accepted no matter what, but me... well... I'm already on shaky ground with Jeff's parents, and I feel that if I make their granddaughter Jewish (a far worse sin in his mother's eyes than being atheist, because being atheist means God hasn't touched me yet and I can still be "saved", but being Jewish means I'm just plain wrong and am beyond help) then I will be hated forever, which makes life harder on Jeff and will, the older she gets, make it hard on Alex. I could rant more, but I won't. I'm getting tired. I just wanted to get that out. In the end, I know what I'll do. I'll follow my heart. If it means I convert, then I will gladly do so and be content with my decision. If I don't and remain agnostic, then I'll be happy wtih that too. If I'm not happy with it in the end, it's the wrong decision.
In other news... everyone go lavish affection upon Miss Pince. She's having a terrible time and she could really use some cheering up.
Also, does anybody know how to get a lonely Texas Quiller up to Cedar Rapids, Iowa for a movie Summit without spending 24 hours straight in the car, or spending a fortune on plane tickets? Probably not, but oh well. I'll be there in spirit. ;)
I was born to a Methodist mother and an agnostic father... at least, I think he's agnostic. He never was a church-goer and my father and I have communications issues. We talk in depth and for hours about sports, cars, books, pets, the baby, the weather... small stuff. But when it comes to the big things, well, we never were good at that. I loved the church choir as a kid, but the sermons never sat right with me. Luckily, I have a very understanding and open-minded mother (on most things anyway) who nourished my desire to learn about other religions. She did all she could to help me get answers to all my questions. As a child, I remained agnostic because organized religion just didn't seem to fit quite right with me. When I was 12 and we moved to Texas, that's when I became an atheist. My year of hell, the first year here, had such an effect that I renounced God. I became comfortable in that non-belief and it was my security blanket... it was my reason for all that happened. But after awhile, espeically now with Alex, that just doesn't fit anymore. It's like I outgrew my blanket; like my feet are poking out the bottom no matter how hard I try to squish underneath it. So here in the past few months I've been doing some major soul-searching. And somewhere in there I found my belief in God and find comfort in that, like a perfect fitting fleece blanket to share with someone you love. It's warm and it's happy and it's keeping me grounded. So in my findings from that, I've come to do more research on religions, to try and find a spiritual home with others I can connect to, others that have similar beliefs and similar outlooks. I thoroughly enjoy my friends and relatives with drastically different views than I, but it would be nice to have someone, just one someone, with whom I can talk about holidays and God and just about anything and know that they are coming from almost the same place. Y'know what I mean? Well, in my research, I've been turned off of Christianity. It works for some, but it will not work for me. I cannot conform myself to their specific set beliefs... mainly that Jesus is the son of God and the savior of all on Earth (the Messiah, he died for our sins, all that stuff). I also don't like the push of some churches to convert others to their religion, to actively seek out those of different religions and try to get them to come to "their side". I don't like the idea of hell, and Christianity, to me, puts a rather large emphasis on hell. In my eyes, everyone should have a chance at redemption in the afterlife. Some crimes and some wrongdoings will take an eternity to redeem oneself from, but I believe that all are given that chance. And if you cannot redeem yourself, well, then you are stuck in a sort of Purgatory forever... in way, I think that's more punishment than hell. I really really don't feel that God is a vengeful God. I believe God to be loving. In all my searching, I have found one religion that matches with what I believe God to be, that matches my values and beliefs, and that's Judaism. Now, I am still searching things out, still learning. Eventually, I'll go down to the only synagogue in the area and speak to the Rabbi and see what I can learn from him. I don't know yet whether I'll convert or not. But therein lies the major issue that's been bouncing around my head. What to do once I convert. If I do become Jewish, I will raise Alex Jewish. Should she decide to convert to something else when she's older, that's fine. That's her decision and I will support her no matter what. But until she can make that choice for herself, I'll raise her Jewish. Jeff's parents are not Jewish. Nobody in our family is Jewish. Jeff will not convert and I will not ask him to as that would be wrong and not my place. I refuse to force my beliefs upon anyone. Holidays is where the main problem lies, that I can see... that and Jeff's mother, but I might leave that one alone for awhile. Seeing as everyone else celebrates Christmas, that would be the hardest time of year since I'd have to find some way for Hannukah, a truely delightful holiday in itself, measure up to Santa Claus and dozens of gifts at each house from all other family members. It won't hold up and I know for sure she'll get pressure from some people to rebel against my Jewish teachings and accept Christianity. Should she come to that decision on her own, that's great, but I don't want her to do it because family members are pressuring her to do so. I realize, through my research, I'm already teaching her certain Jewish values that I didn't know I was doing... they are important to my life and therefore I'm passing them on to her, but didn't know they were also major themes in Judaica. It will not be easy, to be Jewish and live where we live. There are very few Jewish families in the area, and most people here are Southern Baptists. She and I both will get opposition, of that I know. But that's a part of life. I would rather stay true to my beliefs than to do something just because everybody else is doing it. Really, my main concern is how our families will react to having two Jewish members. Alex will be accepted no matter what, but me... well... I'm already on shaky ground with Jeff's parents, and I feel that if I make their granddaughter Jewish (a far worse sin in his mother's eyes than being atheist, because being atheist means God hasn't touched me yet and I can still be "saved", but being Jewish means I'm just plain wrong and am beyond help) then I will be hated forever, which makes life harder on Jeff and will, the older she gets, make it hard on Alex. I could rant more, but I won't. I'm getting tired. I just wanted to get that out. In the end, I know what I'll do. I'll follow my heart. If it means I convert, then I will gladly do so and be content with my decision. If I don't and remain agnostic, then I'll be happy wtih that too. If I'm not happy with it in the end, it's the wrong decision.
In other news... everyone go lavish affection upon Miss Pince. She's having a terrible time and she could really use some cheering up.
Also, does anybody know how to get a lonely Texas Quiller up to Cedar Rapids, Iowa for a movie Summit without spending 24 hours straight in the car, or spending a fortune on plane tickets? Probably not, but oh well. I'll be there in spirit. ;)
