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[personal profile] queenriley
Fandom: The Big Bang Theory
Title: The Superhero Purim Theorum
Rating: G
Disclaimer: I only wish they belonged to me. Alas, no such luck.
Summary: Once again, the boys and their idea of fun confuses Penny.
Written for Purim Gifts 2009

Penny trudged up the stairs, more asleep than awake at this point. It had been the longest day at work and all she wanted to do was sleep for the rest of the year. She stopped short when she ran into something large and solid. It made a squeak so disconcerting she actually opened her eyes for the first time since walking into the building.

“Oh, Raj, honey, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to… what in the world are you wearing?” He was dressed in what looked like a grey bodysuit with black underwear on the outside, a flowing black cape, and pointy ears on his black mask. He squeaked again and stepped back.

“He’s Batman.” Howard spoke up. Penny shook her head and got a good look at her boys. She had to blink a few times to process what she was seeing. Howard was in some garishly bright yellow and blue body suit with fake muscles and plastic claws. Sheldon was decked out in mostly dark green with black sleeves and tights, white gloves, and a flashing green light on a ring on his finger. The colour was distracting. Leonard was in the only outfit she recognized. He was clearly Superman, though he seemed to need help walking without his glasses.

“Okay. So what are you supposed to be?” Penny asked Howard. He leered at her.

“I’m Wolverine. I’m the best at what I do.”

“Isn’t the rest of that line ‘and what I do isn’t very nice?’” Leonard squinted in the general direction of the blinding yellow. Howard mumbled something under his breath and Leonard focused back on Penny.

“Sheldon is Green Lantern and we’re…”

“The Hal Jordan version, of course.” Sheldon interjected.

“And we’re going to a Purim carnival.” Leonard rolled his eyes but Penny was still confused.

“A what a what?” she asked. Both Leonard and Sheldon opened their mouths, but Howard stopped them with a hand.

“Please, gentlemen, allow me. As the resident Jew, I should be the one to explain Purim to this… beautiful gentile.” Penny sighed, but Howard continued on.

“Purim is a holiday celebrated by those of us of the Jewish faith. It’s about a strong and beautiful queen, not unlike yourself, named Esther who alerts the king of a plot to destroy the Jews of the land. You see, Esther has hidden her Jewishness from the king and to tell him she would be affected by this plot is risking immediate death. She bravely saves her people, however, and every year we dress up in costumes, go to carnivals, see retellings of the events, and get knock down drunk to celebrate.” Penny blinked at him.

“And if you’re lucky, you get the most delightful little cookies shaped like equilateral triangles.” Sheldon smiled and Penny just stared at him blankly. She was still confused.

“So… what does Superman, Batman, Wolverine, and… That Green Guy… have to do with this math cookie holiday thing?”

“Nothing really. We just like dressing up.” They all laughed and Penny just shook her head and turned to walk away. She waved goodbye over her shoulder as she stifled a yawn. She wasn’t sure she’d ever understand her boys, but that was part of the fun of being their friend. She listened to their continued conversation as they walked downstairs.

“So how come we never get to celebrate any other holidays with your family?” Raj asked. It was one of the few times Penny had heard his voice. It helped when he didn’t know she was listening.

“Are you kidding me? Do you want a repeat of the Pesach Incident of 5767? “ Howard exclaimed. Penny thought about chasing after them to ask but then stopped herself. No, she really didn’t want to know.


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May 2012

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